The qualities of the lady of the palace

The third book of The Cortegiano is dedicated to the defence of the dignity of the female figure and to the illustration of the qualities pertinent to a lady of the palace. She must display, just as the courtier, self-control and a naturalness that make it possible to adapt her behaviour to different circumstances and contexts. In these chapters of the work, Castiglione lays the foundations for the way women should behave in society, that were destined to last; in particular, his indications rest on the identification of certain essential prerequisites: wit, discretion, refuting conflict, pleasant trustworthiness. He also deepens the concept of modesty, turning it into not just a social convention, but also a virtue that has the duty of protecting internal feelings. Modesty, for women, defines that territory that cannot be violated by anyone: and it is modesty that ensures for women the respect and reverence of those around them. Then, in the conversations, the lady of the palace must avoid vain chatter and self-eulogy, any excessive wordiness and tiring egocentricity: she will be –Castiglione recommends – affable but not presumptuous or encroaching.

At the end of his apologia, Castiglione recalls the noble, elevating and civilising function that a woman must carry on at every moment of her relational life. Her presence promotes a purifying effect compared to the more vulgar, ruder or gross language into which solely male companies normally slide. Thus we come to the contribution that women make to the reasoning of love. Giuliano de’ Medici, on this subject, prescribes sober austerity, to attenuate the otherwise subversive human passions: he expressly invites us to refuse any offer of love that cannot terminate in marriage. In this manner Castiglione tries to rebalance the relationships of affections, that, traditionally, attribute to men a liberty that is damaging to female dignity, and, in the name of equality, places at the centre the respect of women.